So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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