I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
