New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
