What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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