Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
