dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize