I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
