I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
