I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
