shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
