So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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