Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
