Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I want her autograph on my taint
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
