Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
