planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
