My first STD was from a foam party
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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