Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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