how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
