Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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