ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
