Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
