I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
