Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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