my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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