i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
