So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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