Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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