For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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