Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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