My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize