my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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