Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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