omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize