It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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