Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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