I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
