Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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