It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
