he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
