Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
