i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So squirting runs in the family.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
