I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize