Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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