you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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