You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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