Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
