I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
