You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
