Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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