Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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