how can u be prego again
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
