apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
