That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
