apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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