By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize