i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
