I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
