if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
