remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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