Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize