I just cut my nipple shaving
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
