When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
