So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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